The NFL Draft is today! Hooray! Actually, I may have hoorayed too soon, because unfortunately, I decided not to declare for the draft this year.
Listen, I can hear your disappointment, but I wanted to at least explain how I came to this decision.
So, without further ado, here are the nine reasons why I decided to not declare for the NFL Draft.
- Injuries. My back is always a little sore, and sometimes my knees hurt when I bend down. Oh, and I also don’t want to get run over by a Middle Linebacker.
- I lost my football. I’ve had my own football since I was 5 years old, but sometime last summer, I misplaced it. It’s a shame; I was finally learning how to throw a tight spiral. (Also, while I’m on the topic, they should really stop requiring everyone to have their own football to be drafted.)
- I haven’t played since 2013. After much research and discussions with my close family and friends, I determined that not playing football in eight years was a good reason not to declare for the Draft. (It was still a tough decision, though.)
- Watching Football is too much fun. Does this really need any explanation? The RedZone channel is pure heaven. Sure, I could potentially make millions of dollars playing in the NFL, but on the other hand, I could watch Patrick Mahomes throw a touchdown blindfolded while playing a game on his phone.
- Sunday Funday. Sundays are supposed to be fun! I don’t want to have to play in a 60-minute football game every Sunday. Sundays are for brunch, not for trying to tackle Derrick Henry. (I’ve been saying this for years.)
- I’d rather watch TikToks than Film. Unless teams can boil down what I need to know for the game in 60 seconds, I’m not playing. (I would also be much more inclined to play if the games were only 60 seconds instead of 60 minutes.)
- No Summer fun. It sucks that training camp is during the summer because that cuts into Steven’s valuable vacation time.™ I could be in the Bahamas, or at Disneyland, or standing in my backyard blankly staring at the sky, questioning the meaning of life. All three are much more preferable than being in a sweaty helmet all summer.
- I don’t have time to go to the NFL store and buy the uniforms I need for whatever team drafts me. (Again, it’s strange that the NFL requires every rookie to go to their local NFL store to buy their uniforms. Someone should look into that.)
- Last but not least, I did not want to risk being drafted by the Jets.
