*For this article, I do not have extreme seizures where the whole body shakes, and an individual becomes unconscious. My condition would probably be best described as severe tremors. There is a stark difference, and that needs to be understood.
I don’t really know what to say. In the past week, I’ve experienced pond-like cold sweats in my sleep, vicious seizures, and really questioned the point of living. This is nothing new to me. Over the past four years, I’ve been dealing with health issues that doctors think I’m making up; basically, they think I’m crazy. But this is a story of redemption because healing is taking place; it feels like my time is coming. Here are three things I’ve learned in my journey through hell.
People
Many people surround themselves with others just for the heck of it; this can prove dangerous.
It feels like many individuals are out there for themselves, pretty much all of them.
This is why it’s essential to recognize who actually loves you for you and who’s out to gain some advantage.
Is this positive? Probably not. Is it the truth? Probably.
But the good thing is there are some real ones out, and there are more than a few.
It may be a new acquaintance, a lifelong friend, or even a passerby. But real recognize real.
Luckily for me, I work at a high school with 1,600 kids who show me love, respect, and authenticity every day. They’ve reminded me of who I am.
They’ve helped me heal. And I probably wouldn’t be at this point in my life without them.
Hard Work
Before I started having seizures, I only worked at things society deemed important money, education, Madden, and family.
Seriously, Madden was in there.
But as time passed, I started to look at my soul. And what I found was that I was a broken man.
Really, beyond broken.
I was 28, worked a part-time minimum wage job, lived at home, and dealt with severe health issues.
I felt stuck, hopeless, and f’ed.
But on my 29th birthday, I decided no more. After getting drunk at the local Cinebarre and watching “Good Ones” with my family, the time had come.
I began to eat healthy, meditate, and get to sleep early. Coincidently, my job as a server at a retirement home turned into a paraeducator role at my old high school.
I also got hired as a basketball coach at an elite private school.
Things had changed, but I was still living through hell.
As I’m writing this now, I feel different, somewhere in the middle.
I still live at home and work as a paraeducator, but I’m also a paid writer who’s been on the radio.
Not to mention I still coach at one of the most elite private schools on the west coast.
And that’s what people see when they see me, they don’t see the seizures.
But what I’ve learned from busting my cheeks every day is that it doesn’t matter.
It only matters what you think of yourselves. And after four years of giving 114 percent.
I can look in the mirror again.
Love
There’s probably some re-tread from “My Healing Journey – Part 2,” but self-love is still everything.
If you don’t love yourself, it’s impossible to love others. There’s no budging on this principle.
Love can be a walk, it can be spending time with family, or it can be sitting in a high school classroom watching a Charlie Chaplin movie.
It’s up to you to decide if I’m doing that now.
It’s something that can’t be understood, only felt.
Maybe I don’t know what love is, but I’m doing my best to learn.
It feels like something I’ve been missing for a long damn time, and it’s here to stay.
Guys, one day, I will be seizure-free.
And I really just wanted to say thank you for listening.
