May 9, 2025
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HomeAuthorsPatrick McNerthney

Articles by Patrick McNerthney

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About Patrick McNerthney
Patrick McNerthney is a former President, Titan of Industry and general Society-Improver. He owns a business called Outcasting, which purportedly offers writing services, but is most likely a front for the illegal import and distribution of vacant hermit crab shells. Patrick aspires to own an NFL team and take over his block. He’s written four books: How to Break Out of Prison*, How to Cheat on Your Taxes*, How to Steal Your Neighbor’s Roof*, and The Future Will Not Involve Underwear**. *Not written yet **Not formatted or published yet
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National

Origins Of Your Overly Emotional And Ludicrous Football-Watching Behavior

September 23, 2021 Patrick McNerthney Comments Off on Origins Of Your Overly Emotional And Ludicrous Football-Watching Behavior

Anything can happen. It’s not over by a long shot. The Season After The Seahawks Won The Super Bowl began with an away game at San Diego on a super-hot Sunday afternoon. Really hot. People […]

Outdoor Sports

You’re Not Living If You’re Not Blasting Away At Doves

September 17, 2021 Patrick McNerthney Comments Off on You’re Not Living If You’re Not Blasting Away At Doves

Mourning doves are murderous, evil little birds bent on our destruction. They fly onto our windowsills at night like stalkers, attempting to peek between our blinds with their beady little black eyes to determine our […]

National

Profanity Is The Hallmark Of High Performance

September 9, 2021 Patrick McNerthney Comments Off on Profanity Is The Hallmark Of High Performance

The hard part about hiring a sports icon to market various products or services is one doesn’t even know when the sports icon is going to freak out and swear like a Hell’s Angel or […]

National

If Gronk Goes Cowboy, We’re All Doomed – Explore All The Fun At The Pendleton Round-Up

September 2, 2021 Patrick McNerthney Comments Off on If Gronk Goes Cowboy, We’re All Doomed – Explore All The Fun At The Pendleton Round-Up

Pendleton, Oregon is a town far away from Seattle and fairly far away from Portland and really far away from Portland, Maine, a town no one has ever been to but is apparently surrounded by […]

National

Good Cheer Is Undervalued

August 13, 2021 Patrick McNerthney Comments Off on Good Cheer Is Undervalued

If I were a rich tycoon, I’d definitely have a National Football Team. Ah, an NFL team. NFL football team. I’d own it. One. Maybe eventually two. I’d call my first team the Porcelain Mice. […]

Health & Fitness

The Health, Wellness, And Fitness Industries Face A Huge Marketing Problem

August 6, 2021 Patrick McNerthney Comments Off on The Health, Wellness, And Fitness Industries Face A Huge Marketing Problem

The thing the makers of Peloton, who we think are called “Peloton,” don’t disclose on a big sticker like they should is if we ride that stupid bike for months on end and still drink […]

National

Wrestle With What Kind Of Competitor You Are

July 30, 2021 Patrick McNerthney Comments Off on Wrestle With What Kind Of Competitor You Are

The mentality of competition, otherwise known as competitiveness or, in some cases, sports psychology, allowed me to win the Seattle Half Marathon in 2002. Or maybe it was 2003. And technically, it’s called The Amica […]

National

When Was The Last Time You Hit The Track?

July 23, 2021 Patrick McNerthney Comments Off on When Was The Last Time You Hit The Track?

Horse racing occurs once a year in Kentucky and lasts about 90 seconds, at least as far as most Americans outside of Kentucky are concerned. But horse racing is a legitimate sport for people so […]

National

We Can’t All Be Caeleb Dressel, But We Can All Use A Trampoline

July 1, 2021 Patrick McNerthney Comments Off on We Can’t All Be Caeleb Dressel, But We Can All Use A Trampoline

The Summer Olympics are waiting like a stalking butler for most Americans to come home from work and not care. This is likely because most Americans are not true patriots, as evidenced by their proclivity […]

Health & Fitness

Look Good While Supporting The Local Gym

June 28, 2021 Patrick McNerthney Comments Off on Look Good While Supporting The Local Gym

It’s normal to want to look cool. Cool communicates a confident handle on life – an ability to adapt to any situation, overcome massive obstacles, make a ton of cash, dress well and, most importantly, […]

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