Earlier this week, I came across a gem of a hashtag on social media. To put it into perspective, I am amused by maybe 1.2% of the hashtags and memes I find in the social networking circles – about the same percentage of humans rooting for the New England Patriots in Super Bowl LI.
That’s why #NotMySuperBowl is gaining some momentum. I took a step further and figured if I am going to partake in this #NotMySuperBowl hype, I might as well make up two teams I would rather see face off in Houston next Sunday. While I am at is, I will have to make up the scenarios in how they got there.
REPRESENTING THE NFC
For the Seattle Seahawks, it won’t be too difficult to make a case for them to get in, since they were already in the playoffs and won their Wild Card match-up.
There was a time at one point where the Seahawks were in good shape against the Atlanta Falcons – up 10-7 with the ball and playing fairly well. We all know what happened next as Russell Wilson tripped over his own lineman, fell into the end-zone for a safety, giving whatever momentum they had completely to the Falcons.
Let’s pretend he didn’t do that. Wilson hit Jimmy Graham for a quick first down instead, and the Seahawks chewed up the clock, marched down for a touchdown, and the Falcons never could get into a rhythm. The Seahawks win, 31-20 and move on to face Green Bay.
In order for them to beat the Packers, I need to make up the entire game, which gives me room for ridiculousness. Highlights of the first half include a Jeremy Lane interception he returns for a touchdown (he didn’t pick off a pass all season) on a play where Aaron Rodgers ran around for what seemed like ever before launching the ball off of his back foot across the field and 50 yards down the field.
When asked about the throw in the post-game press conference, he was quoted as saying ‘I was starting to get bored and tired, so I figured, what the hell, let’s try this.’ Halftime score, Seattle 10, Green Bay 7.
There was a little more scoring in the second half, the ‘Hawks scoring on a one-yard run from Thomas Rawls after Pete Carrol tried three passing plays inside the one-yard line including a shovel pass that went for a half-yard loss. He finally went with a running play, and Rawls walked right in. Rodgers added two touchdowns of his own – both of which came on blown assignments in the secondary. Kam Chancellor was seen on the sidelines yelling at the corners while Richard Sherman was pretending it wasn’t his fault.
Tied in the last minute of the game, a Steven Hauschka 55-yard field goal wins it for Seattle, 27-24.
REPRESENTING THE AFC
Obviously, I am going to pick my team – the Indianapolis Colts here, the problem is I have to tinker with a few regular season games to even get them into the playoffs. Luck-ily, this one is easy. There was no reason for them to lose at home to Jacksonville by three points on October 2, and they didn’t need to lose BOTH games to Houston this year. Andrew Luck is better than that – unfortunately his defense and offensive line are not. Anyways, those two wins easily let them win the AFC South instead of the Texans, earning a Wild Card match-up against the Derek Carr-less Raiders.
They win the game easier than the Texans did, 33-10.
Then they are off to New England…where I have to really get insane on how they win this game. Peyton Manning patrols the sidelines, helps convince owner Jim Irsay to fire general manager Ryan Grigson (Actually happened…my conspiracy theory is that Manning had some influence) and he helps will Luck to an unprecedented upset. Tom Brady gets knocked out early in the game on a questionable helmet-to-helmet hit from Robert Mathis, who gets ejected because it was Brady who got hit. The Colts defense rallies behind it and they win 34-20.
In the AFC Championship game, the Colts travel to Pittsburgh where they get to deal with the worst fans not found in Buffalo. It’s a factor early on, as the Steelers jump out to halftime lead, 20-3. The Colts never show up until the second half anyway, so Luck is used to it. Frank Gore runs for 100 yards and Luck throws three fourth quarter touchdowns.
Colts win, 38-27, and the stage is set for a much better Super Bowl.
Well, unfortunately for Indy fans, their ‘Luck’ runs out. Literally, and hypothetically. The Seahawks are more prepared, more experienced and have a better game plan in place. Luck throws two interceptions, despite throwing for 300 yards and two scores. Wilson just plays better and the Colts have zero rushing yards. I don’t expect Luck to win in his first Super Bowl appearance, but I expect him to win his second.
Final score: Seattle 30, Indianapolis 17.
Congratulations Seahawks, you are the winner of Super Bowl LI, since the game next week between Atlanta and New England will officially be #NotMySuperBowl. Wilson has two rings now and easily emerges into the ‘elite QB’ echelon.